The Other Side
by iisAnonymousperson
Summary: Regulus' life told through snippets and quotes; get to know the other side of the story. "It's not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it's the smiles we fake" ... "Regulus eventually wore the mask so long he nearly forgot who was underneath it." ... "Life isn't fair."


**September 1971**

Regulus Arcturus Black grinned excitedly as his brother boarded The Hogwarts Express. Sirius Black was eleven years old and finally off to Hogwarts. Mother and Father were speaking to him as if he had already been sorted into Slytherin. Regulus knew better. Sirius was more likely to end up in Gryffindor. He was brave, he was daring. Growing up a Black, he was expected to be a Slytherin; cunning, ambitious. Sirius wouldn't be a Slytherin. And Regulus wanted to be like his brother. Sirius, who wasn't afraid of anything. Sirius, who could defy Mother with his head held high and his feet on the ground.

Before the train left, Sirius said his goodbyes, looking as stiff and formal as any pureblood should. Regulus pulled his brother into a hug. "We'll still be friends even if you're a Gryffindor and I'm a Slytherin, right?"

Sirius huffed a laugh. "Idiot. Of course we will. Promise. I think you'll be a Hufflepuff, though."

Regulus stomped on his brother's foot. "Jackass."

"Language," Sirius admonished gently. "Love you, Reg. Don't get in trouble with Mother."

There was only a minute left before the train left. Sirius hurried on, meeting up with their cousin, James. The two seemed to get along well.

Regulus couldn't wait to join them. Away from all the doom and gloom of the rest of the Blacks.

 **Christmas 1971**

When Sirius came home for Christmas, Regulus couldn't be happier. Mother and Father were being mean again. They were spewing all this nonsense about Sirius being a disgrace to the family. During the first dinner, Mother said, "It must be hard, being a Slytherin stuck in Gryffindor. It must have been a moment. You should ask for a re-sort."

Regulus nodded along with her, afraid of what would happen if he didn't. He tried – he tried _so_ hard to tell Sirius, with his eyes, that he didn't really agree, but he wouldn't look.

Dinner continued along that line. Mother was subtly insulting Sirius. Sirius got tenser and tenser and nearly ran into his room as soon as it was appropriate. After everyone went to bed, Regulus tried to explain. Explain that he was afraid. _Just hold out for another nine months, and we can fight against them all. Like Andy. We can fight Mother and Father and Uncle Cygnus and Bella and Cissy and all of them. I'm scared Sirius. Mother is being horrible. Help me._

But Sirius wouldn't listen. Regulus tried to explain. "Sirius _please!_ I'm so –"

"Go away, Regulus."

It's not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it's the smiles we fake.

 **April 1972**

Sirius was so quiet. He never took crap from Mother before. Why did he stop?

Was it a temporary defeat? Or worse; was he giving up – permanently?

 **September 1972**

Regulus boarded the train without saying goodbye. Not like he had the year before. Sirius hadn't said a kind word to him all summer. He wouldn't listen to a word Regulus would say. Regulus had felt alone in his family, but never the way he did that summer.

Regulus wanted it back. The hugs and midnight meet-ups and plans for what they'd do when they finally escaped the Blacks.

On the way to Hogwarts, Regulus sat alone. He didn't want to make any friends, not without Sirius. It wasn't looking like he'd have a choice.

During the sorting, Regulus thought about what he could do to get his brother back. It was looking like he would have to be sorted into Gryffindor to even get the chance. That wasn't much of a chance. He could only hope that the hat would listen to him.

It didn't. Regulus fought. He did. He told it, "Bravery and Chivalry are choices! I choose that!" But the hat had said, "And that is a very Slytherin way of thinking, Mister Black. And that is where you will go."

Regulus put on his best mask, ignoring the dread building in his stomach.

Sirius would barely look at him.

Regulus eventually wore the mask so long he nearly forgot who was underneath it.

 **1973**

Sirius was looking at him again, but it was often hate filled. Never would he be that older brother that Regulus so missed.

It sucks, doesn't it? Feeling like you're not good enough.

 **1974**

The Voldemort guy was becoming more and more active. Regulus knew Mother would want to join this guy.

Regulus didn't. Regulus still wanted to repair his relationship with Sirius.

Sirius didn't want that.

It sucks, being ignored by the one person whose attention is the only thing you want on Earth.

 **1975**

Mother was singing Voldemort's praises. Father went along with her. Regulus didn't want anything to do with the guy. Neither did Sirius.

Sirius still wouldn't speak during the summers, not unless it was to give some scathing reply to something insignificant.

It's the worst feeling, when someone makes you feel special then leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don't care.

 **1976**

If he was the monster under his bed, then Mother was the monster in the closet, under the bed, and behind the couch. Regulus needed the old Sirius more than ever. He was ignored during the school year. His mother was financially supporting the "Death Eaters". Regulus began to fear for his life.

 **1977**

The tattoo wouldn't go away. Regulus didn't want it. Fuck Voldemort. Fuck Dumbledore; fuck the world. Most of all, fuck the kidnappers who landed him in this situation. Who brought him to Voldemort – to be offered servitude or eternal torture. Fuck it all.

And Regulus would play the bad guy if they would just go away.

 **1978**

Regulus cried at night, sometimes. He was alone at Hogwarts. Sirius still wouldn't speak. James had cornered him earlier in the year, before his graduation, and asked him, "Why?"

And Regulus told him. Every last bit. And James promised to work on Sirius.

But for now, he was stuck alone, surrounded by the Death Eaters who kidnapped him. Who forced him into… slavery, essentially.

But there was some good in this world, and Regulus would fight till his last breath for what was worth fight for.

 **1979**

Sirius didn't believe James. It broke Regulus' heart – the brother who promised to always be there abandoned him not six months later; now there was no chance to fix it. No chance to repair what never should have broken. Never had Regulus understood the phrase "Life isn't fair" more than right then.

He also understood "Life sucks and then you die", "Hell is empty and all the Devils are here", and perhaps even, "Maybe this world is another planets hell".

With nothing left to lose, Regulus doubled his efforts. And not in vain, either. The horcrux took forever to find, but Regulus managed it. That cave by the sea, it was nearly impossible to get to. But Regulus managed it.

The poison was horrible, but Regulus drank it. He replaced the locket and left his little note.

But Regulus eventually succumbed to the poison. The inferi. Kreacher would take care of it. The locket. He would.

And as Regulus exhaled for the last time, bubbles floating to the surface, he thought, _This is for you, Sirius. I never broke my promise. I love you, brother. Will you ever love me?_

Life hurts a lot more than death.


End file.
